so in my last post i talked about how crazy things have been with me of late. and let me tell you, the sure have...to the point where i've been really lost. its not like i'm super busy, that's not it. actually i've spent most of my time watching day-time talk shows and eating peanut butter and honey sandwiches. this might sounds absolutely insane to some, but its true. i think i've just been 'stuck'. you know those kids-senior year in highschool and they have absolutely no clue what they want to do with their life. should i go to school? do i even want to go to school? should i get a job? should i travel? you know super indecisive. i was
never that kid. i always knew what i wanted, where i was going, what i was going to do. i knew BEFORE i got to high school, before middle school even. i didn't know exactly what school, but i knew i was going to college and that i wanted to study art. and then i did. i graduated- with honors, got a job, a boyfriend and was paying back my loans on time. i was good. i did everything i was supposed to. and i did it in a timely manner. and then my mom got sick. and then she died. and then i quit my job. and then my boyfriend broke up with me. and then i couldn't pay back my loans.
and here i am...that senior in high school that doesn't know what they want, or where they want to be in life. and it sucks. it sucks so fucking hard.
i've been wanting to go back to school for a very long time. but with everything else that's been happening, i just threw it on the back of the burner and focused on other things. i got another boyfriend...and then he broke up with me too. and now i'm back to figuring out what to do. but i think i've finally figured my shit out. i'm going to focus on me for a while. i'm going to be the main focus of my story for alittle while. i'm going to go back to school for graphic design and i might even move out of my dad's house. yep, i'm going to attempt to be a big girl finally.
of course i'm still going to work on order & chaos, i'm so in love with it. i'm still going to do my art and still going to do festivals, when i can. but i'm going to try and do something with my life again instead of wasting time in front of the tv, crying about a boy and not bettering myself for the future. if i don't, no one else is going to. so i have to make the move. and i'm going to.
Hope you find your sunshine again.We Karnes women are strong and we pull through what ever life can throw at us.I think about you guys often..keep your head up,and go get what you want!
ReplyDeleteLove,Ramia :)
I also hope you find what you are looking for. I wanted to work in a museum doing painting restoration when I was in high school. But that did not turn out for me, but life is what you make of it. I think of you often, and hope your holiday was a happy one. Know you are missing your mom this holiday to, and just be thankful that you have a wonderful dad, and aunt becky to fall back on. I am always here if you need to talk, I have been working on something and would love you to seen them. Maybe soon? Be strong and dont be afraid to lean on those that love you. Love Aunt Kathy.
ReplyDeleteI am so very proud of you! I am so glad you are back! I am not the one to write all those words of wisdom with grace. I don't have all that creative flair for words. This past year has been the hardest year of your young life. Since I have known you Your Mother has been the only person that could give you that swift kick in the ass when you needed it to get you going again. I've been worried about you! I am glad to see you are giving your self that kick in the ass. Do this for YOU you are worth more than any boy job school or any thing you are such a wonderful person and this is your year to find where you can shine for you. If you need any thing I will always be here for you ! Make the Year 2012 The year to find Holly and if you get lost call me and i will try and help you find your ass. I love you
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